A Passage from the Red Pill Scriptures

Okay, so no opening “hello world” post. Otherwise I’d never make any posts!

Anyways, I write things for fun. This is something I wrote up as a joke on Manboobz. I hope you enjoy.

NOTE: THE FOLLOWING PASSAGE IS A PARODY. DO NOT TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY.

From the Red Pill Scripture’s Book of Genesis, 1:1-36

In the beginning, a singularity came to be, which soon caused the creation of matter and anti-matter. The anti-matter and the matter came to battle with one another and the matter prevailed. And this was good.

Now there was matter in the form of quirks quarks and other quantum things. So they came together and became atoms, which soon became attracted to other atoms to become greater and greater masses. Some atoms came together in such a way that they fused and made more and more different kinds of matter. And this was good.

Soon, some of these greater masses—named “stars”—began to explode or collapse as they found less and less energy to smash matter together. These star remnants floated around and eventually came together to form things called “planets”. And this was good.

Eventually, a series of reactions came to be on one of these planets known as “Earth”, causing preliminary life to form upon the earth. This preliminary life eventually evolved to become members of various kingdoms: Animalia, Plantae, Fungi, Protista, Archaea, Bacteria. And this was good.

The Kingdom of Animalia separated into various further groups, eventually giving rise to certain animals such as the lobster, the cow, the pig, the horse, the dog, and the human. And this was good.

The humans gave rise to a male and a female, and they came to know each other. Through this, they populated Earth, and became the caregivers of this planet. The female was a gentle caregiver, willing to stay in the kitchen and make sandwiches all day, while the male went out to bring home the bacon. The male ruled over the female and the planet, and they lived together in harmony for centuries. And this was good.

One day, a female decided that she was not going to take part in this harmony anymore. She began to demand more and more autonomy from the male. He, the foolish man, began to grant her this power—feminism—and she soon established a matriarchy. She now ruled over the male and began to exert her power in unwise ways, destroying the harmony that once was there, and hiding it through brainwashing. And this was bad.

In the meanwhile, a bottle of red pills was hidden, open only to the matriarchy’s leaders and forbidden for all males. Soon, the male found this bottle of red pills. Lo and behold, he took one of these red pills, although it had been forbidden, and his eyes were opened to both good and evil. He saw that evil had taken a hold of this world and made it chaotic, and swore to fix this and return to the harmony of the centuries past. And this was good.

This male began to meet with other males, and they all partook of the forbidden red pill, awakening to know what the female matriarchy already knew—that the world that they have lived in was chaotic and disharmonious. They began to come together and attempt to fix this, by defying their female leaders. Some of them ran away, in order to hide themselves from the female gaze. Others stayed in this world, seducing and wrecking the leaders from the inside out. They communicated with each other, creating a place of harmony called the manosphere. And lo and behold, this was good to their eyes.

Edit: Fixed a science based mistake. This is what happens when someone who doesn’t fully understand quantum physics tries to write something that’s more scientifically accurate. Oops. *blushes* Thanks Athywren for correcting it!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s